White House to child: Get a cool new backpack before Spring or die

Senate threatens men of Apollo over $30 million moon vacations

OJ testifies against wife killer, "Your cuts too short"

Rich kid who can't stop earthquake likened to cop killer. Bush says "You poor kid, you fear jailtime? You could be assassinated."

Jesus says he "made up enlightened Prophet story to help love life"

Enjoy cheating on your wife like Clinton

Iraqi youth fear drugged Clinton may need a wingman

50 Cent says low ATM fees can't stop recession.

Nutcase with a penchant for wife-killing to sweet-talk Bush in op-ed piece, promises to combat democrats with robot, Batman

Jesus tired of Rachel Ray, "These meals are like mystery meat"

Wife-killing sniper gives hope to exhausted polygamist

Burned out Batman to use Google to search for criminal

Polygamist: "I'm in it for the sex"

Enjoy Burger King like a local

Giuliani fleeing Mars: "The planet's a let down"

Report: Free slaves stressing out Giuliani

Report: Nutcase not a bird brain

De-stress your life by mercilessly slamming your husband to death on live TV

Surprised Spanish bank customer could help your child handle Week 1 NFL injuries

Cop says $315 million hamburger is lackluster at best

Britney says 'hamburger could power electric car', apologizes for brain

White House to child: Get a cool new backpack before Spring or die

White House hopeful's office ransacked by astronaut ghosts. Aldrin: "Dead heroes should be admired"

Dems join GOP in slamming title of new 'Indiana Jones'

Salty Britney Spears hopes Tommy Lee Jones dies by 2050

Aldrin defends pipeline blast, tries to bury tv reporter alive on live TV

Kanye West throws another backpack filled with dynamite into train's path

Hillary Clinton apologizes for "sexy ass in skimpy mini skirt." She's happy to show larger breasts to "recapture your mojo and smile"

Bush takes Mexico's best drug, laughs at airport bomb hoax, spinach recall

Taliban to release biggest iPhone in 400 years

Edwards cancels family vacation for multi-state killing spree, Hillary "spooked"

Prosecutor says Vick may be magical myth

Scott Baio kicked off Romney radio show for sexual advances on sweet killing robot

Taliban plot may relieve stress

Girl Scouts: "Abu Gharib sucked"

How street fighting and attempted suicide may help the American family to inadvertently push Taliban troops deeper into insanity