Hulk Hogan ravages Gonzales, dissects Attorney General before federal judge

Vick set to interview secretive robot before U.S. lawmakers

Hulk Hogan ravages Gonzales, dissects Attorney General before federal judge

Hulk Hogan's iPhone may replace Gonzales

Greece may label Teen Choice Awards 'acts of terror'

Look elsewhere for a colorful diet: Your dead best friend's body parts

Michael Vick to Little League World Series winner: "Grow up or die"

Edwards rejects support from black gold-panners

Hulk Hogan's head officially released from body

Bush blames Little League for foreclosure scams, catches fire, apologizes

Edwards pleads guilty for sewage directed at Clinton "It was sewage. Do you get why? It was to keeps her head on straight." Edwards hospitalized for U.S. safety.

3 great ways to get high and mess up your son's little league preseason

Edwards denies son was raised to look black

Offbeat klansman takes to the skies to unlock secrets of black astronomers

Edwards untethers Hulk Hogan's balloon, balloon takes to the skies, Edwards apologizes "Don't get mad, it was the balloon or your son." Edwards dragged in mud, hospitalized.

Vick renounces Vatican for offbeat reactions to Little League World Series

Hussein's daughter on a Bush desperate for head: Look elsewhere

Obama may return to Earth with diamonds and a hot Martian woman

CNN.com headlines for August 23, 2007:

Iraqi intelligence officials having more sex than you think

Birth defects lower death risk

Parents reveal Earth to kids

White House sees insanity in the socks of Washington mail carrier

Bush claims dog can keep Iraqi intelligence secrets

Obama to reveal secrets of having sex: "Forget the socks, kids"

White House claims Bush could outrun Iraqi leader

The best multivitamin to punish your child

Earth doused in gas, set on fire by the cruel insanity of Obama

Tearful Obama struggles with redesigning kitchen

CNN's Amanpour to reveal what's sexy in 110 years

White House: Socks found in clothes dryer

Police dog calls White House to quiz Bush on Nasdaq gains

Iraqi leader calls Bush to use boxed Seinfeld DVD’s

Proposed bill would unlock an avalanche of baggy pants

Study: Edwards may be too sexy for this Earth

Obama to Americans: Please carjack Clinton for your king

Toddler describes mad dash to try to outrun crying Obama

Edwards slams Vietnam Vet: Lazy and not so great

Obama may return to Earth with diamonds and a hot Martian woman

Martian king answers Earth critics, slams Paris Hilton

Romney: Death of the T-Rex a tragedy

CNN.com Headlines from August 22, 2007:

Obama: I look like a drunken terrorist to kids

In spooky ad, Romney burnt porta potty in backyard and ran

Romney: Death of the T-Rex a tragedy

In reality, Bush could outrun corpses

Spooky Romney ad compares multivitamin to Vietnam

Kids rethink fear of death

Pedophile could outrun boy. Romney bets on it.

Bush grows more sophisticated in kids' rhetoric

Oops! Kids set on fire

Study: The fastest pedophile in Mexico could outrun a skipping polar bear

Tearful Romney found skipping in backyard

Romney to steer clear of rake in backyard

Romney to invoke 'Barbie' in opposing Iraq pullout

Bush challenged over corpses in the backyard

Polar bear divides eight-year-old. It's almost life threatening, but boy getting legs back.

Hillary buys beer, handgun to stop worrying about monster attacks

CNN.com headlines from August 21, 2007:

Hillary buys beer, handgun to stop worrying about monster attacks

Foul-mouthed monster slams Rove in North American trade summit

Unstable Obama smashes into Clinton, riots with working moms, loses

Jittery Albright: No sex in sight for me

Vick takes plea deal, likely to be buried alive

Obama parties "til you see me as Prez." No sobriety in sight.

Human may stand in building

Unstable Obama: I never cared for Chinese people

Help your child outgrow the "cancer" nonsense

CNN.com Headlines for August 20. 2007:

Super-sized cows eat Tom Cruise in church; there were no paparazzi to shoot fate of star

No nonsense bears expected to persist in schoolyard killings

Clinton buys stake in Chinese nonsense

Rove's attacks on Jews not likely to ease credit woes

Help your child outgrow the "cancer" nonsense

Vick has panic attacks: "I thought there were no bears in prison"

Clinton to Jews: Stop worrying about Star Jones and hunt down Seacrest

Clinton spent time in Abu Ghraib: "I wonder why I ever left"

Idol's Seacrest silent on Chinese history, experts saddened

Artificial life loses battle with cancer of the Google

Clinton hit by train, Jews can stop worrying now

Tallest GOP Candidate Romney wins Iowa Slam-Dunk Championship

CNN.com Headlines from August 13, 2007:

Tallest GOP Candidate Romney wins Iowa Slam-Dunk Championship

Rove quits White House to get high on crack

Top 20 autistic kids to watch in '07

Rove cavorts with autistic kid in secret mine hole in Hawaii

Unpredictable White House moves to Hawaii

Bush repairs Guantanamo with mass grave

Magic Johnson: I don't want to play football with the autistic kid

Rove quits Van Halen after 20 years of jamming

Emotional Rove calls police about 8 foot 4 man in gyroscope

Magic Johnson throws baby hippo at mine again

Pygmy leads NFL in grieving

Dinosaur threatens spacewalkers: 'Divorce is final'

Clinton seeks the approval of dogs, chases cats into a mine

CNN.com Headlines from August 10, 2007:

Giuliani seeks religion in a monster truck

Clinton challenging kids to take time for nude jogging

Clinton seeks the approval of dogs, chases cats into a mine

Clinton meltdown: "I have no future in raccoon attacking"

Bush scores with hot mom: "Doing grownups is better than ever"

Whites a minority in space

CNN.com Headlines from August 9, 2007:

Hawaii's one gay redneck pygmy holds off endorsing '08 Democrat

Canadian PM vows to defend Earth's kids from space camp slayings

White House says Bush hopes new Timberlake music video is hot

Whites a minority in space

Bush teases U.S. with broken promise: vows to fix Earth's climate, leaves planet behind to die

Bush: First discovered f-word before age of 9

Fat Jenna Bush hopes to fit in to hot pants before 2008

Obama may get pummeled by gays if alleged breast-feeding pics discovered

What to know before your child gives birth to a huge crocodile 20 times Earth's size

Obama passes alcohol to Endeavor commander, turns on him, creates chaos on shuttle bridge, says to NASA: "Obama flies alone"

CNN.com Headlines from August 8, 2007:

Mrs. Edwards slits wrists: "John can't make love to a women. A monkey turns the man on. Adieu."

Clinton fears space invaders, grabs gun, starts militia in schoolyard

Obama passes alcohol to Endeavor commander, turns on him, creates chaos on shuttle bridge, says to NASA: "Obama flies alone"

Bonds challenging baseballs to fight him to avoid death; Family fears new home run king may be insane

Police close to naming killer dolphin -- finally

Obama ruins puzzle, Clinton rushes to rebuild

CNN.com Headlines for August 7, 2007:

Livid Edwards punches President Clinton over McDonalds wrapper in bedroom

You think you're drunk? Try taking lessons from a bombed Mayor Bloomberg

Mayor Bloomberg tries to choke eavesdropping 7-year old: 'No rest until you're dead!'

Matt Damon sues flight attendant for 'cowardice’

Obama mocks Russia: "Think you're Ex-Soviet? Try dating a drunk"

7-year old ready to start dating black women

Think you're a 7-year old? After 22 years, no

State rushes to free murderer for "space trip" prank

Obama punches Clinton off bridge: "You're as good as dead."

Scientists debate what Bonds boyfriend is hottest

Stubborn Obama chases kids from chocolate

Hillary tries to choke Obama: "You're a chocolate nightmare"

Scientists: KFC in McDonald's wrapper prank threatens world

Clinton rushes to survey kids on the best admitted murderer in the U.S.

Bombed Bonds chases drunk record

Obama ruins puzzle, Clinton rushes to rebuild

Matt Damon sues Mexico over sweating crisis

Only the Lord knows if Sharpton wants a boyfriend

Clinton pulls no punches in filthy emails; Obama frontal not so massive after all

Marilyn Manson wants filthy Taliban baby cleaned up

Lobbyist still has clout in bombed Taliban village ruins

Girl told father drunk Taliban bombed village after 'good kids' cleaned up house; parents' search for answers not over

Taliban: Chicks, Transformers are sweet

Obama to Hillary: "Baby, you're a filthy girl. You're not a virgin after all." Hillary smiles about the new boyfriend, travels to chocolate city of love.

Stray atomic bomb kills Edwards as he mocks pentagon

Drunken McCain takes cop car on wild ride, kills 19 kids. Arrested, McCain scolds police "I need your car", wobbles into station, flipping off 87-year old, shoots at just about anything, concedes, "I need a life coach"

NASA plan to launch shuttle "execution-style" puzzles scientists

Scrappy animal abuser marries testy suicide bomber

Bush to homeless: "I'm world's richest man"

Obama slams grandmas for "their 87-year-old disease"

Clinton battles Edwards Taliban-style: "I'm not running from you, boy"

Stray atomic bomb kills Edwards as he mocks pentagon

Polar bear survives 2nd brush with Pope

Cnn.com Headlines for August 3, 2007:

9-year old under stress from saving planet: "I can't help, civilians"

Rove has gas, sparks fire

Pope judges botched car repairs in tirade: "I can't believe I reported the crash to my expensive Christian insurance plan. Death to humans!"

Stevie Wonder making first tour in 12 years, millions flee planet

Senate reviews 2nd season of 'Lonelygirl15: "Worst in living memory"

Pope expands mission to killing humans

Polar bear survives 2nd brush with Pope

Babbling, Jabbering Anne Hathaway capsizes car, millions killed

Anderson Cooper expands to death

Anger at humans rises as dogs put on diet

Senate votes to keep hottest women in expensive skirts

Paralyzed man worst athlete ever

Can copter crash live up to the hype?

Christian man: Muslim bakery ruins Baghdad

Bush gets creepy: “I prefer Obama in t-shirts”

Obama put on diet to squeeze in to skirts

Nicole Richie: I squeeze dogs between meals

Bush: I know I'm not a good Muslim

Crashed plane survivors killed by O.J.

CNN.com Headlines for August 2, 2007:

Gonzales not satisfied with porn in Russia

O.J. in slump: "I'm a nobody"

R. Kelly to child: "How deep?"

Crashed plane to reunite families with deep water

O.J.: "In The Twilight Zone I'm getting $57M for homicide"

Boy, 8, defies mom

O.J.: Plan your homicide for weeknights

Crashed plane survivors killed by O.J.

Internet porn reunites mom with son

Legendary thrill-a-minute Irish porn brought teen back to life

Boy, 8, brought chaos to U.S. with shoddy Chinese mannequins

New bridge among top 5 billion ever planned

Bush finds ax on the floor "I thought I was O.J. Simpson"

After 5 years, Bush in a slump: Not satisfied with thrill-a-minute terrorist chaos

Newspaper editor plants bullet, tons of concrete on Gonzalez

One-in-a-billion O.J. tirade may hold clues to homicide

Bush tirade to blame housing slump on Katrina victims

R. Kelly the new face of weeknights

Bush getting new face

Kids blamed for child porn

Mastermind mom taunts boy, 8: I'm outsourcing kids to China

Terrorist in slump kills mannequins

Clinton making death threats to household items: 'Go to hell, freezer'

CNN.com Headlines for August 1, 2007:

Clinton making death threats to household items: 'Go to hell, freezer'

Rumsfeld to testify he "freaked out" in gang rape of pets

Hey you with the gang rape . . . keep it down!

Rumsfeld: delicious corpses "unethical"

Cheney backs Gonzalez: "He break a you face"

Rupert Murdoch usually gets his way in polygamous gang rape

Obama going undercover to pick up pregnant teens

Obama lost in delicious childhood thriller "Mystery of the Abandoned Roller-coaster Ride"

Guiliani would sell missiles to hundreds of inmates in institutions

Guiliani pinned Obama for 3 hours, says "hey you with the face . . . you is delicious!"

Obama challenges Rocky "Hit me you horrible freaked out socialist from hell. Hit me!"

Rude teen kills 20 in gas attack

More losers in hell than acknowledged

Church surveillance reveals no ATM in hell

Does Justice Roberts have sex like Usher?

CNN.com Headlines for July 31, 2007:

Girl, 13, adopted to death

Bush getting older, losing hope for sex with Miss America

Chief Justice got off to Oprah MySpace site – twice

Autism linked to Tropical Storm Chantel

Body of second chief justice found in skyrocket falling over the Atlantic

O.J. embarks on new terror campaign. O.J. to Goldmans: "It's time to die" O.J. career officially over.

Sex predators linked to the "legend of the tiny crack village"

John Mark Carr the new face of Wall Street

2nd-graders take on FBI corruption -- and win

America expected to crack within the next few minutes

Fitness linked to crack use

2nd-graders reportedly shot cops who wanted to use their new slide

Families vacationing in volcano: "Everybody's fine"

Edwardses dig for oil in front-yard of neighbors, losing hope

Hopes fade for starved kids as house committee decides it's time to die

Witch hunt briefing: Cheney loses hope for Beyonce probe

Sex predators take 2nd graders on witch hunt

Cheney: Everyone's leaving America for lady sex

Does Justice Roberts have sex like Usher?

"I did not die" Beyonce insists

Cheney shoots up in spaceship

Cheney shoots up 2nd graders in drive-by shooting, blasts lunch lady up to 3 miles away