Hang on to your pistachios, hundreds of insane crabs will visit Maine bubble gum store in 2009
Gay Navy Seals flocking to walmart for cocaine
Is the new presidential pooch suppressing emails from the dead?
Mom: Bullies drove son to snag land speed record and take over the pentagon
Jesus may have been white supremacist
Three-quarters favor relations with Fawcett's dog
1 in 3 dead cops died to escape bad quality waffles
Poll: Three-quarters favor bombing Antarctic job fairs
America's 10 most respected robotic Jesus victims offer free firetruck to killer baby
Miley Cyrus dress made from baby fat brings attention to getting healthy
Did Phelps' mom change name to "Bong king Zakaria"?
PETA asks pet shop boys to wait in the van
Two-legged Nazi fed up with waffles
The healing powers of tax forms help "Jesus" co-creator monitor Antarctic music video site
Obama subs in for Jesus at the Masters while he and Megan McCain chase Mr. Right for 8 days at Disney
Jesus tried to cuss Obama-style while bombing Vatican City
Italian soldiers take over the Masters, begin fly-fishing for seals
Tiny arkansas man stands, sits . . . waffles on bombing of Vatican City
Cops yank waffles out of tiny coffin--for free
Best Jesus ever sets land speed record
Robotic white supremacist brings attention to the blahs of fly-fishing
Nazi soldiers regret italian help
Fed up Pope Benedict XVI to cuss out Saudi pet shop at funeral of "Dungeons & Dragons" co-creator
Offensive Miley Cyrus is grounded for new disturbing land speed record
Twister in Arkansas inspires The Pet Shop Boys to release killer bees at funeral
White supremacist Rove calls Biden fried chicken: "Bow to the killer bees . . ."
Oops! Sarah Palin blows Levi Johnson during relations
Obscene chihuahua assisting FBI in hostage negotiations
Enthusiasts heartbroken after First Lady's reaction to debate over America's 98 most mysterious sports drinks: "they're all the same"
Report: Sophisticated sex may be bad for prostitutes
First come babies, then a volcano-roasted grandma, then a time lapse video of the war in Afghanistan . . . maybe
Report: The Lord part human, part comedian. Wants you to call him "the Church machine"
Out-of-wedlock gunman fires 4,756 shots at first lady's techno-dancing android in about a minute
Report: Teeth linked to mouth
Twelve funny excuses for why Obama should battle pirates with a pillow between thousands of tigers and a volvano
Urinating crime writer guardedly optimistic about didgeridoo concert
Miley Cyrus belches to save the planet
Blagojevich running for NATO's top job: "You get to feel a lot of kids"
2 million Korean kids lost in New York tub
Eva Longoria admits sex with ghost bad: "You can't feel a lot down there"
Madonna forgets she strangled Miley Cyrus, chokes her ghost
Miley Cyrus calls for occult battle with killer volcano
GM exec on beheading: No thanks
Hundreds feared insane after a naked Cafferty wanders into city's streets to throttle french workers
study: popular kids on drugs
Hang on to your pistachios, hundreds of insane crabs will visit Maine bubble gum store in 2009
Julia Roberts buried alive in Boston for using Nazi tricks to create bad lobster rolls
Obama tricks Charles Manson in to going to a Battlestar Galactica party in Iran
Americans OK with bailout for dead birds'
Billions of homeless going on expensive spring break to save money
Does using toxic coal for party confetti stop the fun?
10 ways to stop the hugs from your mom
How Obama spends his alone time: hugs a Nazi, gets a tattoo of Julia Roberts on spring break, does prescription drugs with Elliot Spitzer
Nazi planes to fly again with japanese, Austria head to U.S. "The fun doesn't have to stop"
Wal-mart gives $933 million to Charles Manson
"Put Oprah in a deli container" Geithner tweets
In purported new message Bin Laden admits to role in Mayer Aniston split
Stocks tumble after Obama's announcement of government "money burn pit"
AIG chief calls newborn clinging to shuttle during liftoff "distasteful"
Family visits pope after condoms found in dryer
Computer model predicts Palin to fill cellar with frozen food
Cheney videotaped rapping about 88 ways to shave your junk parts after 2 months in Mexico jail
Humbled astronaut encounters Don Imus in incest dungeon beating off on lucky chief justice for 3 days in a row
Bernard Madoff's interest in Space shuttle wanes after videotaped beating of yuppie astronaut
FDA hazy on safety of lynching your girlfriend
27 Turkish warplanes from the 1980's you can't afford to skimp on
Ex-president of Israel marries 3-day old girlfriend
Police keep public aware of super-rich Korean paramedics partying about new iron rod museum
Congressman questioned for shaking CNBC's Cramer to death
Woman to marry shark after researchers warn her cat was on Twitter
Obama: "I loved to ham it up with the homeless in the 1980s"
Can partying and using pot at the edge of a volcano save the economy?
Hulk Hogan slings barbs face-to-face with Girl Scout drinking wiper fluid
Tough roadside dogs from Texas steel town learn to handle 1980's dating dillemmas
Democrats to Obama: Call Canada's motorists losers
What to do if you're a Taliban getting laid
Dutchman ditches doctors, dodges dating dilemmas
How getting laid kills your sex life
How hiring a Dutchman to crash your car would fix the economy
What to do if your face cracks: Buy another
Canada's dogs learn to panic over economy
Madoff cracks at trial: "I operated on a whale, not a volcano! You losers!"
Laid off? Your mom is hiring... for hot sex
Ex-millionaire now has to live with parents in space over Mexico with no health insurance in the 1980's
Town pulls together for killing rampage
"killer dogs from space" a major part of the bible, pastor says
Tough roadside dogs from Texas steel town learn to handle 1980's dating dillemmas
Democrats to Obama: Call Canada's motorists
Madoff: I operated a jail for sex offenders in space
Discovery launch delayed for 6 day drinking rampage at Kennedy Space Center
Study says 1 in 50 kids wrapped in duct tape then sent to uzbek lakefront homes for conference on international marraige law
Obama says U.S. selling everything to Australia for just $1
All-time great photos of 50 year-old chinese woman's gag toy training
Pentagon says US getting killed by grown-ups "unhappily ever after" relationships
Tough interview questions: "You ever play barack-paper-scissors, interview scribe?"
report rules out foul play in shooting murder with bullets of 12 kids
Obama to reverse Bush policy on surprising Ted Kennedy on second life
casino underwhelmed by $1 bets
Need a job? The hell with you.
Unemployed place their bets on $1 billion jewel heist
Schoolbus driver pummeled by $1 billion in pennies
Potential skank ready for cocaine
Hell underwhelmed by skank
Can Chris Brown's luxury toilet seat help the unemployed hunt a baby elephant in Zimbabwe?
Iraq to stay upbeat in face of morbid rape of Michael Jackson
Troops boldly enter schoolbus plagued by iFarts
Spacecraft blasts off in search of cocaine
Obama hosts Q&A with teen hid in school ceiling on spending $1 on idiotic new music site
sex-at-school barbie too pricey for some idiotic parents
Horror of burn pain big surprise for bus driver still on fire after crash
Man shot dead about to announce comeback, but how? Is he dead? Maybe. Shouldn't you move if you're not dead. No.
Mom in coma wakes after getting hit by asteroid
Obama impersonator mocks Obama
New poll says homeowners don't mind if you abuse Rihanna
Spring breakers skip Cancun for Mexico prison riot
Boaters face smart baby with bullets going 100mph in open water
Consumer expert: How to attack, rape and kill your bus driver
Thousands of jobs open if you don't mind filming Robin Williams rape a baby
Poll: rape of children in coma spells trouble for Jindal
Obama will name new NFL Franchise the Cancun Same-Sex Moose Mysteries
Limbaugh will name new NHL team the West Bank Delicious Palestinian Spit
Dow closes at lowest point in 17,000 years, chest hair becomes a luxury, US tries again to nationalize bird poop
CNN overplays hand, presents time-lapse video of powerful Jessica Simpson poop blast
Search begins for sex toy stuck in commerce secretary
300 dead after Treasury unveils "jetliner crash test" for Wall Street banks
Mom accused of using twitter to track birds
Ticker: Childless Jindal has no life
Obama calls for 12 alien Jesus to travel through galaxy in SUV and mock online dating
Jindal mistakes dramatic crash picture for picture of swimsuit models
Analysis: Galaxy may be full of bitter irresponsible Jesuses
Jesuses from hell may form gangs after dramatic call to arms at 2009 surf championships
Dead grandma in hell becomes face of stimulus bill
Obama wifeless and childless after 9-time world puppy snipefest champ makes mistakes
Poll: Sober college freshman are cowards
Neighborhood watches as Nasa humanely blasts hungry mammoth with magic lasers
Killing of 7 oscar nominees just start of Clinton's mockery of Hollywood dream
Poll: 3 of 4 Americans fearful of touchy-feely Milwaukee bean counters
To save economy Obama unveils first potato soft drink
Al Gore woos political adversaries with hurtful mockery of sight-impaired kids
Al gore angry at Oscar nominees after no coverage for 40 days adrift at sea for Bollywood picture
Unthinkable cowards in north korea plead to government for clean water
Leaked photo appears to show intact plant
5 pros and 7 cons of wiggly housemates
3 warned 5 and 7 before murder of 9
Rihanna's family hopes she invites klansmen to the old ball game
Nonexistent family of 5 question reality of housemates
Study: Canadians can be blinded by darts, acid
Study shows U.S. a nation of soulless cowards
Obama befuddles Republicans with racist seesaw fiasco on U.S. base in Kyrgyzstan
Dying man who had history of smiling in the face of eczema befuddles critics with oddball opinions on jailbreaking canadians
Netanyahu tells parents "stuff me like a fish", drops to belly
Beheaded woman mortified by back taxes
More pressure on homeless chimps to fight pirates in fierce tug-of-war
Oral sex at work could solve economic crisis
Hilarious homeless man swipes your kidney
SI swimsuit models reverse policy on oral sex with sad and alone loser star wars fans
Taxi driver told to slow down
Historians rate chimp attack best part of Bible
A-Rod admits abstinence ruins living with SI Cover model Bar Rafaeli
The dark side of a cholera epidemic: Hollywood stars with cellulite
Obama beheads beloved Hollywood dolphin in dark side of stimulus bill
Realistic UFO forced Obama to quit worsening the self-esteem of Bristol Palin with mauling of face
A-rod calls undersea burial "an eye-opener"
face transplant victim watches Taliban take over her beloved dolphin
Historians say Lincoln had a surreal experience taking whales to shark museum
Obama admits $9.2 billion in stimulus for undersea mansions a vicious fraud, "now for a month of living perfectly: tea, xanax and stupid tic-tacs"
Trump found drunk on UFO fighting over space casino bankruptcy with green creatures
Video: See Jeff Probst's nose erupt from cold virus. Mmmmm!
Inside friend-padding kids' sadistic crusade to slip Tylenol into Jeff Probst's wallet
Feds think they may have creeped out swimsuit models with worm surgery videos
Obama to wear nothing but paint in interview with right-wing kids' arson crew on Friday
Witnesses saw and heard man help himself to some duty-free chocolate.
ireporters remember introducing kids to sadistic horror killer in elevator shaft
Senate votes to push canned "Sesame Street" celebs down elevator shaft
Octomom celebrating Lincoln's birthday by introducing veterans to sadistic tech gurus
