Al Qaeda admits 'Wonder Years' is cool

CNN.com Headlines for July 30, 2007:

Infamous heckler Cheney rips on hostages with Oprah

FDA posts pics of Obama wedding pregnant MySpace members

Bush to Clinton: crush Obama, freak out

Obama admits sexy stripper is hot

Obama backs over Oprah in Toyota: "Hillary did it"

Repubicans back killing Brangelina in 2008

Pedophile posts pics of Tom Snyder. Vick to FDA: "Don't yank pics!"

Al Qaeda admits 'Wonder Years' is cool

Oprah to Taliban: 'Don't freak out about dead Tom Snyder in the Toyota. Oprah did it. Surprise.'

O.J. Simpson's slain wife's letter to police: "I did it". O.J. educates others on wife's guilt.

Clinton surprised to find ice in tap water: 'Oh, my God... We need help'

CNN.com Headlines for July 27, 2007:

Clinton surprised to find ice in tap water: 'Oh, my God... We need help'

Obama surprised to find himself wedged in Clinton cleavage

Warlords pelt Obama with beef chunks at party


Whoopi Goldberg covered in blood -- oh no!

Report: Lynching overused in London's top hotel

5 of the largest and most useless Whoopi Goldberg surgeries

Revelations of cool Iraqi tea parties rock Earth

Nicole Ritchie sentenced to get slapped with dead kitty for 90 hours

Tea parties may increase psychosis risk

Congress to give boys marijuana before recess

God halts Muslim prayer time: "You boys need help"

Clinton calls China 'Earth of the West.' Obama to Hillary: 'Do you really know what the Earth is?' Obama stands by calling Clinton ugly bear molestor

CNN.com headlines for July 26, 2007:

Military producing ugly baby faces

White House makes mockery of Lohan's ugly fat friends

Fat friends sink in swimming pool

Dogfighting dog dies from dogged determination

How to prevent a bear from cheating in dogfighting

9/11 hero scolded by White House as fat and ugly

Obama stands by calling Clinton ugly bear molestor

Do you really know how to make a mockery of disabled kids?

Dem senators want Gonzales to quit swimming in White House pool

Raging Obama heads to White House to make Gonzales drink wastewater

Death is Lohan's best legal move

Cat dies from dogfighting after mix-up

Lohan gets hammered, safeguards Earth from peril

Clinton calls China 'Earth of the West'

Obama to Hillary: Do you really know what the Earth is?

White House fears drunk McCain may return to Earth to make mockery of astronauts

Clinton fears tea parties, heads to Wild West

McCain getting hammered 'like a drunk baby in a ravine'

Obama to get head from dog: 'This may be silly'

Explosions in Alaska reveals Barack Obama's contempt for ice

CNN.com Headlines for July 25, 2007

Taliban claims to wax Beyonce's face

Obama comment latest stain on Taliban image

3-2-1-BLAM! Obama mulls brutal Britney Spears murder

Obama questioned after "giant fish invasion" comment

9-year-old's DUI latest stain on image of kids

Giant Obama shrinking, loses 580 pounds

Bush: I'll take Iraq War over sightseeing with wife

Clinton blasts Obama apart into flaming debris in explosions showdown

Explosions in Alaska reveals Barack Obama's contempt for ice

Clinton blasts Obama apart to help bank teller find boots

Bush boots wife, dates wax Lindsay Lohan

Cool terrorist to crash in Barack Obama's mansion for summer

Clinton blasts soccer: 'May pressure kids to shoot up'

Barack Obama's latest image problem: burning the number 666 into hand

Irresponsible terrorist blasts apart innocent victim's body

Body of shark attack victim found riddled with bullets

Incredible sex predators riddled with bullets, make mockery of death

Baby death makes mockery of murderous rampage

Many in U.S. call Gonzales scandal 'hot ghetto mess'

CNN.com Headlines from July 24, 2007

Floods leave 350,000 without sex hotline

Bush comments on Harry Potter pages 371-402: 'Fix problems'

Many in U.S. call Gonzales scandal 'hot ghetto mess'

Bionic Ashcroft snowman to pose for Playboy

Bush pressuring bionic lesbians to stay out of home

President Bush ordered daughters to pose for Playboy

President Bush ordered wife to fix body with eating disorders

Pakistani militants say they seek people who 'rape dinosaurs'

Home invasion key to ghetto tea parties

Sex offender shows off hot wife's back

Top 10 golfers to never murder a war vet

What if hurricanes stop hot ghetto parties?

McCain tried to hide in closet again

Sex offender keeping religious small town safe

McCain trying to reach Harry Potter fans with hand jobs

What if 100mph glaciers attacked this summer?

Girls of Al Qaeda to pose for Playboy

Lindsay Lohan apologizes to ancestors for birth

Cnndotcom scoop leaked to CNN.com

Before we could post our latest news story, CNN.com ran the story first: Snowman, lesbians, bubbas steal debate

Russia story first reported on Cnndotcom confirmed by Washington Post

Transcript from News Hour with Jim Lehrer from July 19, 2007

RAY SUAREZ: For more on the unfolding diplomatic conflict, we're joined by Mary Jordan, correspondent for the Washington Post in London.
And, Mary, when did this all get started?

MARY JORDAN, Washington Post Correspondent: Well, it all started, most amazingly, with a tea cup

cnndotcom scoop

McCain trying to get buzz on

CNN.com Headlines for January 23, 2007

Will it be animal lovers against spacewalkers in daily White House Barry Bonds debate?

Michael Vick, Barry Bonds protest Taliban lovers

5-lb bag of chips cost hip-hop stars millions

Doctors fear Bush's addiction to hot teen sex

Taliban takes blame for lightning

Animal lovers target cancer with car bombs

Bush steals bag of chips from police

Top fear worrying Democratic voters: Dinosaurs

Doctors find 'glaciers of trash' in Bush's colon

McCain releases 400 falcons in to Georgia's top court

Thieving seagull dies trying to stop Iraq war

McCain trying to get buzz on

How to stop worrying about religious husband killing for money

Animal lovers kill 35 falcons in protest of Michael Vick mess

Romney dies trying to take on 5-lb Chihuahua (Martians mourn for beloved leader)

Doctors stop worrying about fitting probe in to Bush's colon

Romney forces Michael Vick to kill girlfriend's baby after toddler steals chips

Osama to show true colors in peace protest

How to stop worrying about magic falcons

McCain clarifies: 'I ain't no Vinny Gorgeous. Vinny Gorgeous ain't rich and famous. Vinny Gorgeous ain't tough. McCain plays with sex appeal.'

CNN.com Headlines for July 19, 2007

Taliban stops space vacations

Teen drug problem entertains U.S. troops

White House: 'Tony Snow must quit barbaric bad boy ways'

Newborn rescued from trash bin: 'I ain't no baby'

Cheney to Iraq: 'King me!"

White House accused of betting on checkers

Cheny to blow Tony Snow on YouTube

Idyllic teen-sex lies beneath Iraq insurgency

Study: Dinosaurs overuse their hairspray

Pentagon scolds newborn: 'Quit plan to become president'

McCain clarifies: 'I ain't no Vinny Gorgeous. Vinny Gorgeous ain't rich and famous. Vinny Gorgeous ain't tough. McCain plays with sex appeal.'

Bush: If we nuke God, how do we fight Harry Potter?

CNN.com Headlines for July 19, 2007

Obama eats nearly $1000 of asbestos in 20-hour standoff with Rowling

Dying Tammy Faye Messner: I caught botulism for Obama

Dying Iraqi's last words: 'Sopranos' ends in murder

John Edwards touches child, psychs out McCain

Restless McCain battling 14,000 chimps in 'dead zone'

Restless legs syndrome reported in the West. What you can do to beat the chaos: Say a prayer

God kicks out son to 'help preserve secrecy'

McCain dies after battling Price is Right host in first round of Mexico's 'Murder Open"

Scores killed in British diplomat's Easy-Bake Oven

McCain straddles John Edwards, hospitalized for restless legs syndrome

McCain, Edwards offer tips for beating kids, battling evolution

Merv Griffin's last words, "Do what you can to kill Steve Jobs, for Apple's top powergeek chokes the American chimps"

John Edwards suspended at camp for suitcase chaos

McCain hospitalized for 'Fickle Warlord Syndrome’

Bush talks about midnight dream: “Trying to be a man, I fake fight Harry Potter on plane, arrest God in Brazil for theft of $1000”

Cozy up to the Mumbai building collapse and lose your legs

Bush: If we nuke God, how do we fight Harry Potter?

Naked Steve Jobs gets pleasures, smiles

Naked candidates won't leave New Hampshire building

'Pecs, legs' McCain's guilty pleasures

McCain, Edwards top candidates for first naked American in space

Sneaky little Oprah tricks U.S., steals control in Iraq

CNN.com Headlines for July 18, 2007

Elizabeth Edwards knocks up Al Qaeda leader

Elizabeth Edwards charged with stealing dog from Dave Chapelle, kills self

Dad tells child cigarettes are cool

When steroids were safe and chimps were ugly

Dad tells daughter's killer of his cool treadmill

Career-killing chimps on steroids: Are we safe?

Child-killing senator has ugly daughter

Canadian suicide bomber wins World Series of Golf

Dad taking daughter to World Series of Ugly Teens

Older senator wins World Series of Suicide

Suicide bomber blamed for golf mistakes

Bottom line: Are we high?

Top career-killing mistakes: suicide

Bernanke says economy to gain steam when cigarettes are $1M and diabetes drugs are blamed for deadly chaos

Obama kills roaches with big guns, Oprah 'disturbed'

Sneaky little Oprah tricks U.S., steals control in Iraq

Obama psychs out terrorists with high-produce diet

Dr. Gupta vows to kill patient with a "crash course in surgery"

Can you beat the wife with varied jabs?

Subtle terrorists kill 8.5 million

Bush sets up Bin Laden's mom with Obama

Obama: Time to spread Bin Laden's trash over Brazil

Obama sets up police line-up, takes out big guns shooting Capitol candidates, and steals control from pilot

Famed Danish polygamist chimps blamed for Obama meltdowns

U.S. prepared to talk directly with Iran about Alabama

CNN.com Headlines from July 17, 2007

Dems plan prostitute all-nighter

Taliban fears back-to-school day

More odd sushi hits Obama

Officials to agree to stuff

Al-Qaeda to plan back-to-school sale

Prostitute: Joe DiMaggio tastes like raw chicken

Edwards in million-dollar tux on poverty tour

Bush offers $1M prize for best child suicide

Bush tries to unravel Disney mystery adventure, getting closer

Obama may use N-word to lighten debate on Iraq

The best treadmills for bear rehab

Chimps on drugs offer clue to Bush potential

Older, cheaper Canadian chimps rented for shuttle crew

More working moms get high, dream of going 'all suicide bomber' on child

Police dream of soldier chimps on steroids

Dems plan to face GOP LIVE in 'all-nighter death contest'

U.S. prepared to talk directly with Iran about Alabama

Edwards: I want to kill at least 21 teens on my poverty tour

CNN.com Headlines for July 16, 2007

Harrison Ford washes up on beach, chokes on a Wii

White House named best places to cover-up alleged radioactive baby

Suicide bomber sorry for having sex in American towns

Edwards: I want to kill at least 21 teens on my poverty tour

Edwards taking the kids on a suicide bomber adventure

Edwards emphasizes morality on last-ditch porn tour

Harrison ford hits the kids on a beach in Ethiopia

Rebecca Romijn: I want clergy abuse for my kids

Geniuses launch porn rankings to keep teens having sex

Radioactive ice cream comments on Lindsey Lohan slaying

GOP senator made out of ice cream sticks checks out Lindsey Lohan's meat ship before slaying Michael Moore on stage for a cheerleader's baby named China

Senator warned White House panel of last-ditch Michael Moore plan to fly ship made of ice cream to North Pole before U.S. bans importers of China ice

Harrison Ford chokes Rebecca Romijn for 6 months on Disney adventure

14,000 landslides that will change your child

GOP senator ok's $660 million ice cream sticks, bans meat

Democrats seek $660 million to give North Pole amputee ice-cream prosthetics

Ex-Marine suspects elephants plan to escape circus, wants talks with Bush

CNN.com Headlines for July 13, 2007:

Bush wants to escape old mill, tackles McCain

Where in the world is the U.S.?

Mandy Patinkin guilty of having sex in McCain freezer

Bush bombs Darfur, scolds civilians: "Fear the U.S., child"

Ex-Marine suspects elephants plan to escape circus, wants talks with Bush

McCain having sex for tourism comeback

Giuliani to organize drug smuggling directly to your table

CNN.com Headlines for July 12, 2007

Bush says Al Qaeda "made of cardboard"

Edwards leaving Carribbean after stabbing talkative toddler over toothpaste tiff

Jury duty excuse: I'm a lawn chair

Al Qaeda en route to New Jersey to oust terrorist toddler

Why some people don't like bus sized squid fossils

Bus-sized racist flies 193 miles, directly to your table to hunt for Amelia Earhart in Guiliani campaign ad

Do voters want Giuliani or death?

Why some people don't like death

Why some racist, homophobic voters like lightning-strike injuries

Woman willingly shows fresh box to Giuliani in campaign ad

Giuliani: Voters want death to Amelia Airheart

Giuliani: Firefighters 'a travesty'

Giuliani to organize drug smuggling directly to your table

Amelia Earhart-sized lawmaker delays lightning strike with selenium supplements

Do voters want man-sized selenium supplements or a gas attack?

Al Qaeda apologizes to Bush over 9/11: 'Not ladylike'

Grinning Bush says "I'm en route to buns of Miss New Jersey. ZZZZZTTTTTT!"

Bush sees toddler kicked off chair, analysis: “ZZZZTTTT!”

Bush: "God, I just had sex. Please just let me battle Al Qaeda."

CNN.com Headlines for July 10, 2007

Bush: "God, I just had sex. Please just let me battle Al Qaeda."

Clay Aiken to build largest holy land in 5-10 years


Katie Couric held at gunpoint in FDA siege

Greenland abortion rights group blamed for Big Dig accident

The racist, homophobic lawn chair that can make you thin

Senator: 'Please just let me blaze'

Bush executes Giuliani over new Al Queda sex tape

McCain to blaze drugs in lawn chair

Bush executes official who forced out a little gas

McCain eats fake drugs, hopes to feel racist

Guiliani campaign takes an unorthodox path, kills 12 children

Sean "diddy" combs: I'm a racist, darker children get smacked

Weightlifting wizard forced out God

Report: Giuliani's suicide all-time greatest

God threatens inferno official who ok'd sex tape

What's the right age for kids to stop racist sex?

Suicide blast may help abortion

Jury duty excuse: I'm all-time largest abortion

Suicide linked to diabetes risk

All time greatest abortion excuse: Greenland really was green!

What's the right age for kids to get smacked? 5

Cnn.com headlines for July 9, 2007

Burned out robot wanted to flee wacky subprime love triangle, planned a last laugh homicide

Rowling to Potter fans: Harry, fined in Zimbabwe, is failing college

Bush approves free babe service

White House claims executive priviledge in missing porn videotapes debate

BREAKING NEWS: Bush, Putin collide on teacup ride

Bush, Putin collide on teacup ride

Court rejects Obama's bid to keep parts from dead enemies

Larry the Cable Guy begins counting things, raptures over the inevitability of 4,802

Obama to demand beer with 30 percent alcohol

Teens charged with poor sense of smell to face lengthy execution

Obama hides beer, fireworks in mystery room, keeping them safe

Cnn.com Headlines for July 2, 2007

Obama faces probe after 'creepy' Captain America lap dances

Obama shatters child, sets fire to judge

Obama hides weiner, says U.S. troops are really wimps

Magician says he'll supply booty to US troops

Obama says he'll beat the wife with a 27-foot terra cotta iPhone

Hezbollah: lap dances key in marriage

Bill Clinton changes topic from Supreme Court to Chinese lap dances

Bush to keep teacup from enemies

Obama hides beer, fireworks in mystery room, keeping them safe

Obama says he'll take magician to Hawaii, probe the man's memory and continue to supply him snack food